Note From A Twice Married Brother: DANCE With MY Father

DANCE WITH MY FATHER by LUTHER VANDROSS

Verse 1:
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spend me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

Chorus:
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Verse 2:
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me(yeah, yeah)
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

Chorus:
If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Verse 3:
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him
(2x) I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she' s dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream


Last year after writing the initial "NOTES FROM A TWICE MARRIED BROTHER", I received a wide range of responses from you guys. Much of it was positive with a few 'defensive' negative comments. That said, I felt the need to expound and clarify a couple of points.

My first 'note' dealt harshly with sisters who for no fault of their own were raised without DADDY. Much of the 'pushback' from that comment talked about how these women could be made whole (with God) and are entitled to opportunities for marriage and whole relationships. Of course they are. We all are! But the note wasn't written to THEM. It was written to MEN as a note of general 'caution'. I believe in the BEST IN PEOPLE. MOST FOLK date with the BEST of intentions and WE ALL send out 'representatives' while dating. However, in marriage, the 'representatives' quickly give way to the 'real' thing and we're left with what is really going on inside and WE ALL have experienced and BEHAVED that.

(I also spent a great deal of time talking to men about 'provision' and being sure that they had enough moola and the 'means' to take care of their chosen wife NO MATTER what that sister does for a living too, remember? But I digress....)

While working out last week, my MP3 player began to play "DANCE WITH MY FATHER". Such simple, yet poignant words. This song speaks specifically, directly and sentimentally to the impact that DADS have on their sons and daughters.... in a society which does such a JOB de-emphasizing the importance of DADS; then pretending as if it's okay..... all while coupling all of that with being confounded by the failure of marriages is interesting. MEN too are impacted by this phenomenon, but that wasn't the subject of the the note that I wrote.........

Which brings me to the point of this 'note'. How can women KNOW that they are dealing with a man emotionally capable of being 'husbands'? If you just want a 'boyfriend' or 'companion, you can stop here. This isn't for you. If you are looking for some guarantee, you can stop reading because it doesn't exist. If you are not willing to FIRST BE A WIFE.....even BEFORE your HUSBAND finds you, YOU can stop reading now because you'll likely not be able to 'see' a man who is a 'husband' anyway........

.........husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and GAVE himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word......Ephesians 5:25-26

I am always amazed at how many women don't have the patience to be chosen by men who are willing to 'make a fool' out of themselves to demonstrate their devotion. Man makes a move on a woman. He asks for her number. He 'courts' her with cards, poetry, dinner, candlelight.......SUMPHIN'. He takes her out........then POOF.....he disappears for a week or two before he calls again, if ever. Now here is the astounding part. If the dude doesn't call the NEXT DAY and YES, it should be THE NEXT DAY....the woman is in a quandary. Does he like me? Why hasn't he called me? Should I call him? Uh. I can assure you. If dude hasn't called, he's not really into you or he has other options that he is exploring. How can you know if a man is 'ready' to give himself up for you, this is the FIRST assured sign. He won't care that he looks 'anxious'. He won't care about how 'un-cool' he appears. He will be there, present and looking forward to his next opportunity to woo and impress you. YALL SELL YO-SELVES waaaaaaaaay short on this one. I mean, what happened to the day when a brother went CAVEMAN, took his club, hit his woman over the head and DRUG HER INTO HIS CAVE????

Nooooooo.....women today want 'control'. They want 'equal power', right? This where a good DADDY comes in. The mere presence of a emotionally present DADDY allows a woman to 'be a woman' and in that still feel 'empowered' in her femininity, which is the most attractive thing in the world to ANY MAN. Can these attributes be reset and restored, especially with God's help? Yes. True, for those of you in LA, I know that it's a tough 'market' to be single in. Men, with a smorgasboard of choices; always 'looking past you' to the next foinne sister. I get it. I really do. But I still know that if you hold your own by 'being' a wife now, if you stay OPEN, RESPONSIVE and leave the 'bitterness' of past disappointments at the door.....in FACT.....if you are still in mourning over the last thing? LOCK YO-SELF IN THE CRIB with a good positive BOOK for awhile.....but wait.....then after a time, patiently....get out.....go to church and when you do? Be open. Smile. Speak to EVERYBODY with a smile.....and even be lovely and responsive to brothers you know you aren't interested in because it's GREAT PRACTICE!!!
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If a brother doesn't have it in him to PURSUE YOU, you don't want him......and if you do CHOOSE to chase him to lock him down, please do NOT complain after you get him when he isn't romantic and he doesn't 'pursue' you afterward....and if you are in that rare MINORITY of WOMAN who would rather do the pursuing? Cool. This does NOT apply to you either.....

I remember as a deeply IMPERFECT single man being shot down with regularity. REJECTION is a real mans badge of honor. Not that I was 'all things' to all women because of course I WAS NOT...but there were many sisters who seemed to be offset by my directness and clarity of motive. For a man who's eyes are set on marriage, this too is a sign to us that SHE ain't ready for us. AFter all, this (dating) thing, especially as it relates to those of us dating for the purpose of marriage is about observing behavior and of course having fun and enjoying each others company, right?
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At the end of the day, we can NEVER do TOO MUCH to improve our attractiveness to our potential mates. Far too often, we spend too much time on what he/she is missing and not enough time on what WE ARE MISSING.....